Part of my lifelong journey has been about unraveling in energetic or as if a psychospiritual knot that resided in the center of my chest. The journey originally started with what appeared to be a mysterious illness and disability. That lasted, in varying degrees for many years, now. And I suppose the reason I never found a “cure” is because the condition was not medical, but of a spiritual origin. For many years, while I doctor shopped, researched and experimented, I thought of myself as being on a “healing journey”. Over time, I began to refer to it as a “healing journey and spiritual odyssey”.
In the early 90s, I was speaking to a healer over the phone and describing what at the time was a relentless and severe case of insomnia. As well, I was experiencing relentless fatigue, lethargy and some kind of mental impairment or dysfunction. It was a state of general malaise that had been diagnosed as chronic fatigue syndrome and depression. I had never experienced depression before, and looking back, I would not even call that depression. However, the bible refers to a “spirit of heaviness”. That I can surely relate to. It was like some force had sucked all the life out of me and at times I though maybe I was crossing over to the other side. And I felt so miserable, at the time that I wouldn’t have minded if I was.
After speaking for some length of time with this somewhat psychic healer over the phone, he spoke two words to me: Kundalini Psychosis. This is also referred to as Kundalini Syndrome. Of course, I knew nothing of such terms at that time. But he advised me to acquire the writings of Gopi Krishna, which I did. It was amazing to me to see that another person had been through the bizarre and somewhat mystical phenomena that I was experiencing in my life. On one level, my nervous system was so disturbed that I could describe my state as FUBAR, if you know what that means. It was like nothing I had ever experienced or imagined and I don’t think anyone could imagine something impacting their brain, nervous system and even psyche in such a profound manner.
As one Tibetan doctor and acupuncturist stated to me, “when the kundalini awakens and hit blockages in the body or nervous-energy system, then that energy scaters and disturbs balance.” That is absolutely true and at the same time a massive understatement, so far as the degree of “disturbance” that this powerful and higher vibrational energy can cause, when it is blocked or impeded, even in the slightest way
Gopi Krishna had been an Indian yogi whowas engaging in certain meditative practices that resuld in this awakening of kundalini energy and resulted in his being in a crisis for several years. He stated “for 12 years I was in between sanity and insanity and between life and death”. I would not say that I was ever insane, though I experienced every type of turbulent emotions and bizarre and extreme states of energy and consciousness or awareness imaginable or more accurately, beyond imaginable.
So how does this lead to having a blog titled Transforming the Heart? Being in the West, that is, the United States at the time, there is no reference for going through a psychospiritual shift in consciousness or metamorphosis of the nervous system. The medical system will experiment with drugs and give you all kinds of creative labels; none of which help anything and very possibly can do a lot of harm.
In the book titled Kundalini Experience, the author describes how sometimes people going through a kundalini phenomenon end up in mental institutions and while there, they find each other. They are not insane, but society has no reference for what they are going through, so they are assumed to be insane or mentally ill. They are definitely mentally impaired, at least for the time being. But since they are not mentally ill, and in fact may be quite intelligent and experiencing exalted states of consciousness, they do not fit in with the general population of mental patients and therefore they find each other and hang out together while in the institution.
In the early 90s, Deepak Chopra republished the book of Gopi Krishna under the title Living with Kundalini. It is said that we are in a time of quickening on planet Earth. This quickening may be causing more and more people to have such awakenings of this kundalini or spiritual energy. The phenomenon I am describing is also referred to as spiritual emergence or I have also heard it described as an ascension syndrome. One thing I can say that always underlay whatever symptom or whatever theory I or anyone else might have about what was “wrong” with me or my highly sensitive nervous system, is that there had been a shift in the quality and quantity of energy that I experienced being in my body.
I always admired Nelson Mandela for the strength and sacrifice that are part of his legacy. He was in a tangible prison for approximately 27 years. I was in a metaphorical one for a similar number of years. I have seen the situation I was faced with as a prison without walls, in that the condition impacted my state of mental clarity and vitality to the point that I was unable to live a life or have the career, relationships etc. that I would otherwise had.
Perhaps it is because I had heard Gopi Krishna’s story and others and it let me know that this really was a process of some kind of unfoldment. Perhaps there has also been a sense of deeper knowing, in spite of what was going on in the moment, and this is what kept me from otherwise ending my life, which was about the only thing I had any control over during much of this journey.
At times I have experienced what is often called Samadhi’s experiences, where there is a state of peace and even exalted consciousness that is beyond description. It is truly beyond words. However, that has often been fleeting and yet those glimpses are probably what kept me going. It let me know that the suffering I was experiencing might just be leading somewhere and that maybe there was some higher intelligence even Source itself that was directing all of this?
So this is what eventually led me to make many discoveries and experiment with many different types of meditative and breathing practices, as well as many types of yoga and other Eastern practices as well as extensive bodywork. Having done all of this for about three decades now I can say that much of what I have done or accomplished so far as the psychospiritual phenomenon is concerned can be summarized as Transforming the Heart or Awakening the Spiritual Heart. There’s much more I can and will be saying about this and other things, so stay tuned.
So far as the book How to Heal Food Addiction is concerned, it is also the result of this journey, where I speak about practices I have learned and utilized. And how the results of those practices have enabled me to gain control over what had been a lifelong struggle with chronic hunger. And the resulting spare tire that comes from eating the things you know will make you fat. I have also come to realize additional factors, which truly are in the spiritual realm that can affect chronic hunger. I am referring to those as Beyond How to Heal Food Addiction and will be writing more about that in this blog.